2013 and Boxer-Briefs

Revelations

The biggest revelation I had in the year 2013 was that boxers are not an acceptable undergarment for a male in his mid-late 20’s. This news came as a shock to me. How many girls have been secretly laughing at me this whole time whenever I disrobe? How many girls have been judging me based on my choice of underwear? Well, actually I can tell you how many girls and it’s really not that many at all. My second biggest revelation of 2013 is that boxer-briefs make me look way more in-shape than I actually am. Where as boxers make me look at the same time overweight and malnourished, boxer-briefs somehow transform my strange body into what I imagine Channing Tatum looks like with his pants off.  

Pictured Above: Me in Boxer-Briefs

2013 was also the year that I went from being a poor college student, to a poor college graduate. And I must say, after all is said and done, it definitely feels pretty much exactly the same. Except now when I see trailers for movies based off of Jane Austen novels, I’m slightly more excited about them.

Regarding Love

I saw one of my best friends get married, and I realized that weddings aren’t that bad after all, as long as you have a trunk full of booze that you can run away to every hour, on the hour.  

At the wedding, I gave a glorious speech to a crowd of close friends and family members of the couple. In my drunken haze I stood up, grabbed the microphone, and slurred exactly this:

Travis and me were roommates once.  One time I got home from work and looked in the pantry and realized that we were all out of ramen.  Thank you.  

The speech was met with confused applause.  

As for me, I went on approximately 2 and ¾ dates.  Once, I took a girl out for sushi, another time i took a girl out for pizza. And then 3 other times I went out for drinks, and was unsure as to whether or not they were actually dates.  All in all, it was a pretty good year for love.

Fairly accurate depiction of me at a bar

Life Changes and The Future

I vacuumed my room once. That was pretty intense. I forgot how loud vacuum cleaners were. This year I plan on vacuuming at least twice.  Because I’m getting older, and mature adults vacuum their rooms.  I also bought a pair of socks that weren’t solid black, or solid white. It was a very confusing experience as I paced the sock wall of American Apparel. I later had to ask my friend if there was such a thing as ‘guys socks and girls socks’.  

Exactly what I was looking for

My New Year’s Resolution was going to be to spend money more wisely. Or to get in shape. Or to stop drinking as much. But those are such bullshit resolutions, and I know it. So my resolution is actually something private that I am not going to share with the world. And when I say, ‘the world’, I mean the 17 people that are going to read this.