Revelations
The biggest revelation I had in the year 2013 was that boxers are not an acceptable undergarment for a male in his mid-late 20’s. This news came as a shock to me. How many girls have been secretly laughing at me this whole time whenever I disrobe? How many girls have been judging me based on my choice of underwear? Well, actually I can tell you how many girls and it’s really not that many at all. My second biggest revelation of 2013 is that boxer-briefs make me look way more in-shape than I actually am. Where as boxers make me look at the same time overweight and malnourished, boxer-briefs somehow transform my strange body into what I imagine Channing Tatum looks like with his pants off.
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| Pictured Above: Me in Boxer-Briefs |
2013 was also the year that I went from being a poor college student, to a poor college graduate. And I must say, after all is said and done, it definitely feels pretty much exactly the same. Except now when I see trailers for movies based off of Jane Austen novels, I’m slightly more excited about them.
Regarding Love
I saw one of my best friends get married, and I realized that weddings aren’t that bad after all, as long as you have a trunk full of booze that you can run away to every hour, on the hour.
At the wedding, I gave a glorious speech to a crowd of close friends and family members of the couple. In my drunken haze I stood up, grabbed the microphone, and slurred exactly this:
Travis and me were roommates once. One time I got home from work and looked in the pantry and realized that we were all out of ramen. Thank you.
The speech was met with confused applause.
As for me, I went on approximately 2 and ¾ dates. Once, I took a girl out for sushi, another time i took a girl out for pizza. And then 3 other times I went out for drinks, and was unsure as to whether or not they were actually dates. All in all, it was a pretty good year for love.
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| Fairly accurate depiction of me at a bar |
Life Changes and The Future
I vacuumed my room once. That was pretty intense. I forgot how loud vacuum cleaners were. This year I plan on vacuuming at least twice. Because I’m getting older, and mature adults vacuum their rooms. I also bought a pair of socks that weren’t solid black, or solid white. It was a very confusing experience as I paced the sock wall of American Apparel. I later had to ask my friend if there was such a thing as ‘guys socks and girls socks’.
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| Exactly what I was looking for |
My New Year’s Resolution was going to be to spend money more wisely. Or to get in shape. Or to stop drinking as much. But those are such bullshit resolutions, and I know it. So my resolution is actually something private that I am not going to share with the world. And when I say, ‘the world’, I mean the 17 people that are going to read this.
