Friday, June 17, 2011

Faux Pas

Right now I’m sitting in a coffee shop pretending to be productive.  Not Starbucks obviously because I need to keep at least some of my Austin cred.  No, I'm sitting in The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf.  An establishment that I thought of until recently as being locally owned and operated.   I stumbled across it in the Detroit Airport and realized there were probably hundreds of these god-forsaken things all across the country..  It was later brought up in conversation and I nervously scoffed at the idea of anyone buying an overpriced coffee from the evil vendor.  “Oh, that place is like the new Starbucks,” I said.  My heart almost gave out when I thought of the praise I would have given it if I hadn’t passed it on my way to find a Burger King I’d seen in the airport directory.  These days favoring a food-chain is like wearing white after Labor Day.  
 
I don’t have any paper so I’m substituting my daily planner as a notepad.  This note is scrawled across the lines of Thursday, June 9th. Along the left margin are small numbers notifying me of the things I might need to get done today.  Right now I’m dumbfounded and horrified at the thought of someone actually needing two full lines for every hour of the day. I bought this planner about six months ago thinking that it would magically make me more productive.  After all, what’s a day if it hasn’t been planned?  Like maybe if I could see all the things I had to get done it would make it more fun.  Instead it did two things:

1) Overwhelmed me by placing all the obligations I had all week right in front of my face, (never more than two).  and...
2) Saddened me when I found myself going weeks at a time without writing down a single thing.  

The latter brought me to write down absolutely anything I was going to do for the day just so I could feel more useful. “Tuesday, March 22nd. 8:00 AM: Read.”  Read?  Read what? Maybe catch up on the current events in the New York Times?  Scour the insightful article on Yahoo!’s home page about what not to say on a first date?  Who knows.  I don’t even wake up that early.   The sad(der) part of it all is that I couldn’t even check that off my to-do list. Eventually my enthusiasm for my daily planner waned into nonexistence and it got stuffed into the bottom of my backpack, never to be seen again.  Besides, I prefer my days to be spontaneous.  

It has taken me almost two weeks to finish writing this.  I’m no longer sitting in a coffee shop debating whether or not I should ask the attractive girl sitting across from me for a piece of paper from her notepad.  Now I'm sitting in my boxers at ten in the morning trying to decide if I want to take a shower now or go all day and take one at night.  Because if I’m going to wait I should probably put some clothes on.  But if I take one now then I should stay in my boxers because It would be too much work to dress and then undress and dress again.  My life is full of difficult choices.  

I realize now that professional writers probably don’t just write when they feel like it.  They likely have some sort of daily routine of locking themselves away with a typewriter and a pot of coffee for hours on end.  My daily routine is to think about how I should be writing something while I struggle out of bed sometime around ten.  I then sort out my ideas in front of the boob tube.  A few hours will go by and I’ll work through the conflict on the way to McDonalds.  My midday nap is a great time for me to figure out a climax while late night drinking is when I perfect the falling action. 

 It’s very important that I become productive at some point in the near future.  I just need to stop fooling around and get to it.  Unfortunately, motivation eludes me at every turn.  Or at least it would elude me if I actually tried to pursue it.  Instead, every day motivation looks at me and makes a B-line for the exit while I sit in The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf  Spiderhouse and wave it goodbye.  

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